Lee & Wolfe E-mail Funnies - I am woman, hear me bitch.

20 Men Slammin' Jokes

1.   How does a man take a bubble bath?
    He eats beans for dinner.

2.   How can you tell a man is sexually excited?
    He's breathing.

3.    What is the difference between a man and E.T.?
    E.T. phoned home.

4.   What is a man's idea of foreplay?
    A half hour of begging.

5.   What is the difference between men and government bonds?
    Bonds mature.

6.   What did God say after creating man?
    I can do better.

7.   What do beer bottles and men have in common?
    They are both empty from the neck up.

8.   Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
    Because they have no balls to scratch.

9.   What do you call a man with half a brain?
    Gifted.

10.   How can you tell if a man is happy?
    Who cares?

11.   What does a man consider as a 7 course meal?
    A hot dog and a six pack.

12.   What do you have when you have 2 balls in your hand?
    A man's undivided attention.

13.   Why are men like laxatives?
    They irritate the shit out of you.

14.   Why did God create man?
    Because vibrators can't mow the lawn.

15.   What are the 2 reasons men don't mind their own business?
    1. No mind.    2. No business

16.   How are men and parking spots alike?
    The good ones are taken and the ones that are left are handicapped.

17.   What is the difference between a porcupine and a corvette?
    A porcupine has pricks on the outside.

18.   Why is it hard for women to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
    Because those men already have boyfriends.

19.   How is a man like a snowstorm?
    Because you don't know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it will stay.

20.   Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
    So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.

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