Voice Guy's Unauthorized Biography

NAME: Of course “Voice Guy” isn’t my real name. It’s actually Voice Guy Matthews. I’m Dutch-Irish... my father was from Wales.

DATE OF BIRTH: February 18, 1979. I was HUGE at “Studio 54” in the late 70’s. Me, Travolta and Andy Warhol... huge drinkin’ buddies.

NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: Um... none. But, I have two parents.

BIRTHPLACE: Hospital

HOMETOWN: Hamilton, Ohio. Home of the Fighting Beavers... and the high school team is good, too. (Groucho Marx cigar wiggle)

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Single. I’m waiting on Britney Spears to drop that dickweed from N’ Sync. Oh she’ll fall for me... I just know it!! How could she not? I have over $200.00 in the bank.

CROUTONS OR BACON BITS: Croutons just come too close to healthiness. Baco’s all the way!!

LENO OR LETTERMAN: Letterman all the way. But, if I had my choice... Kilborn. I’m one of the few that likes him better than Conan.

FAVORITE SALAD DRESSING: See above post about eating healthy. I’m against it.

SHAMPOO OR CONDITIONER: Bathing? What? Radio people don’t bathe. I don’t know what FICTIONAL land you live in!!

HAVE YOU EVER GONE SKINNY DIPPING: Yes. In fact... I’m naked now. That’s the beauty of being the voice guy... you’re not quite sure if I’m telling the truthor not, are ya??

DO YOU MAKE FUN OF PEOPLE: Hell yea!! Especially the stupid ones.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CONVICTED OF A CRIME: No. And you can’t prove I did anything.

ONE PILLOW OR TWO: One. At this point... why set myself up for the big hurt when I go to the bedroom at the end of the day.

BAD TIME OF DAY FOR YOU: 4p.m. If I don’t get my nap, I get cranky.

FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR: Winter. I likes snow.

NIKE, REEBOK, OR BRITISH KNIGHTS: Doc Martens. They be comfy.

FAVORITE TYPES OF MUSIC: I’m into soooo many different things. I’m partial to MC Hammer early stuff. When he became ‘Hammer’... it became too commercial. He sold out.

DREAM CAR: A Miata... the only car I can think of that makes my height look “normal.” I’m short.

TYPE OF CAR YOU DRIVE NOW: 94 Camry.

TOOTHPASTE: Mentadent. The container is like a physics experiment!! It’s almost overly complicated.

FAVORITE FOOD: Pop Tarts. How can you not like Pop Tarts? Really... how could you not!!?? ANSWER ME!!

FAVORITE TOWN TO CHILL IN: A freezer. I’m not “down” with the hip kid’s lingo these days.

FAVORITE WEBSITE: www.thesimpsons.com -- It’s only the greatest show on television!!

FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL: Ummm... creative writing. Left brain stuff.

LEAST FAVORITE SUBJECT: Math... SCREW MATH!! I hate math!!

FAVORITE MOVIE(S) OF ALL TIME: “Sorority Sluts 3” You know why? Because I never saw “Sorority Sluts 1 & 2”... but, I picked right up on the plot immediately. Seriously, girls... is that what rush is like?? Pillows fights and panties. What’s not to like?

FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK: Beer. I like beer. Beer can be your best friend... or your worst enemy.


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